I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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