I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
