Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
