My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
