My room smells like vodka and shame
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Randomize
