If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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