How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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