I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
