Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
