conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
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I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
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why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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