and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
