you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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