He had one of those small greek statue penises
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
