I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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