I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
