Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
