Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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