people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
zippers are such a cool invention
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
