My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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