Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
