If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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