But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
