You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
