Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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