how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
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I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have fence marks all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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