Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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