My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
