drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
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Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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