just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize