I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
