Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
