I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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