This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
