So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the condom got lost in my hair
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
