just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
