When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
