Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't deserve a penis
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
