Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
