When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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