I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
