he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
