I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
