Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
