All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
His hands were made for my vagina.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
