stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
