Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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