Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
