oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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