I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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