Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
