Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
