3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
