Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
