Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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