I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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