the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
