I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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