It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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