i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
