i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
