Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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