You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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