I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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