Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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