ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
