She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
