come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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