i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
