Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
