you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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