We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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