its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
