Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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