I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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