My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
