My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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