In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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