i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
