I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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