I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The power of my boobs compel you
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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