How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
