Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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