He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
