i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
