Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
3pm strippers are depressing
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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