Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
