Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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