Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
