walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
